I have encountered one of the most difficult times in my writing. Never before has my real life bled over into a story that I have been working on. Granted, sometimes my stories are bits and pieces of things that have happened to me or something that I have experienced, or maybe a dream that I have had and then I work on how that would all play out. But, now things just got a little too clsoe to home. My current project includes two friends that learn to navigate life together. It is a testiment to true love and it is a testiment to true sisterhood. Although the book has been outlined for quite some time, it has come to the part where one character finds out that an affair has become part of their lives. Now, enter my real life. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. In those 16 years there was a couple that was so close to us that in the beginning we were all dirt poor and lived together and had probabley the best times of our lives. This is the couple that we have vacationed with yearly. This is the couple that I am blood related to the wife and the husband has been my husband's best friend since middle school. We all met at the same time. We are all part of this incredible love story that is better than fiction. And now, it is all ruined. I found out that the husband.... he has been having an affair for the past five years. For the past five years, the man that I thought I knew; the man that I truely believed to be a great person; the man that I was proud my husband was with... is not the man I knew at all. Not only has he been cheating... But, he straight up left his wife and moved in with another woman. I feel like I am getting a divorce. I don't understand. This isn't my marriage. Yet, I feel like I have been cheated on. I feel like I have been let down. I can help her pick up the pieces. I can be vindictive when she needs me to be strong. I can help with her children. But can I get over the feeling of betrayal? Can I stand it if my husband has to never see him again? How does one get over this? How can I find the strength to write about it? Does that make the topic and characters even more real? Is it better to let the raw emotion come right out on to the page or is it better to write that emotion into your current work? I am stumped. I am heartbroken. I am wounded.

I had the ebook out for free download a few weeks ago and had at least 11 people get a hold of it. I promise that none of these people were friends or family. I honestly haven't even told them it was up because I want my numbers to be authentic. Anyway, after that initial free day I have had some buys. I have to say that it is a welcoming feeling to see that some of your work might start to pay off. I'm not saying I'm going to be a millionaire over night, but perhaps I can supplement and not work all these extra shifts that I have been putting in. If anyone else has had success with their work being picked up after free initial down load dates on KDP Select I would love to hear about your experience! Share it please! I think we can all really help each other out with reviews and comments. I would love to read some work of people trying to get reviewed. I can't promise that it will be done super fast, Christmas break is coming up and I will have a little bit of free time.

Speaking of the impending holidays, my mother was in town to visit this past weekend. We hit some of the stores as is our normal way of spending time together. I couldn't believe how many of the retail giants already had out their decorations. I went to get Starbucks this morning and the lot surrounding the store already had their halls decked. Wow, we are moving into this season full throttle. I even read some ads that Black Friday would start at 8:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving Thursday! I guess we are just being inundated with consumerism. I for one will not be in the malls on Black Friday. I don't think I could hold my temper long enough. I will however be under the open sky, camping in the desert and watching my kids ride their motorcycles while the wind flies through their hair. I will relish the peace and quiet of the open land as I sip my coffee in the morning and get caught up on that book that has been haunting me these past few weeks. I will enjoy my break if it kills me. And, I don't want to hear crap about Christmas until I get back.

I have been consumed with desire to write, but I have been engulfed by my day job. There is so much that seems to be thrown my way that I can't keep up with the day to day aspects of life. My kitchen floor? Yes, it needs to be mopped! The bathroom? Didn't I just bribe my eight year with a five spot? I was hoping she didn't realize I hadn't paid her from my last weak attempt at delegating. The ideas in my head lately have been many. I think i am stressed. They come to me in the wee morning hours on the presipice of wake when all I want to do is keep dreaming. There have been characters that have popped up that I thought I would never think of again. Their faces have been burning in my brain. I need to let them. I need to give them a voice. I need to stop rambling. I need to stop working. I need to stop worrying that things will never be the same. I need to take control of my own life because no one is going to do it for me. I need to find what makes me happy. When was the last time I laughed? When was the last time I had fun just for the sake of it being what I wanted to do? When was the last time I had a day off? Oh yeah, Friday.... but I got the car fixed, the oil changed, the tires rotated, the car washed, a haircut (it had been 11 months), went grocery shopping, finished putting the finishing touches on halloween costumes, and picked my kids up from school on time. I think in all of this I have lost me. So, in celebration of me.... I am putting my book up for free on Amazon this Saturday. You will be able to download it without paying a penny! If you like it, tell a friend they should buy it and then I promise to spend that money doing something fun for me. So maybe I won't have to keep writing these posts that depress even me!

It has been awhile since I have blogged. It is not because I haven 't been busy.... I am happy with the results from You Want to Be being free for download. It had a significant number of downloads (yay!) I have been busy writing and just spending time with  my kids. Isn't that what summer vacation is all about? I will again have it for free download sometime this summer keep your eyes out for it.

On Monday, June 4 2012 you can get a free copy of You Want to Be Me for download on your kindle from Amazon.com. Check it out and leave me a comment or review. I would appreciate it. Just follow the link on the right by clicking the book cover. Nothing is better than free! I will do more promotions in the coming weeks if you miss this one.

You can download a free copy of You Want To Be Me for your Kindle on Monday. One day only, so make sure you remember the date! Leave me a review once you make your way there and have time to peruse it. It is new YA reading material.

I have the whole summer ahead of me and can I just say that I have never before been looking forward to the alone time that I plan on spending with writing. There is so many stories that I have started and just need to finish and format. It has been killing me! But, there is one thing standing in my way: Game of Thrones. I started watching the series last year and had to read the books. I am currently a quarter of the way through with book four. But these are so long and I find myself screaming, screw you George R.R. Martin for taking up so much of my life! In truth, I love them. Many people I know are watching the series and they talk aboutt what is currently happening and I have to just walk away because I want to share too many secrets when they say so and so needs to die or so and so will be king. Ugh the frustration! Then I think to myself, what a great author that has made me become so enthralled with such vivid descriptions and characters that I too want to kill them off? But, I can only aspire to be as successful as he has become. We are different are a different type of writer, Martin and myself, but the passion he has put into this work is invigorating. By the way I am not done with the books, but I love John Snow and the Imp.

Advice Giver

A student has begged me to read his writing and give him honest feedback on what I think. I knew before reading it that it was graphic, horrorific, and that his parents knew he was writing this as fiction. I also want to preface this with saying that I have watch every SAW movie out, so I am not sensitive to gore. However, I was overwhelmed because there was mutilation of babies.... Maybe that is where I draw the line. I gave feedback on the paper and even crossed a section out that even I felt could be literary taboo. I am afraid I might crush this new writer. I never wanted people to read my work because I hated the criticism. I did like some of his sentences. They were eloquent and they were meaningful and his story was wonderful because I could feel the pain that was haunting this student. But how much is too much in literature and where our world has gone today? Are there any subjects that are off limits? Or, have we gotten to the point that every new story has to overtake the last and be more shocking? How much is too much? That is my question and I would love to hear what all you others have to think, especially with the idea of free speech being front and center.