Having a serious case of self loathing today. I hate everything that I write and I write things I hate. It is a vicious cycle. I have stopped and restarted the same spot a million times and come up with the same block. I move on and then think I am ready to come back to gaping hole in my story and find out that I am definately NOT ready to do that. There is much to learn and much to do to make myself want to write any further. How do other people get past the wanting to give up? I go through the I'm not good enough and no one wants to read my thoughts anyway. Then, I find out differently and it makes me inspired to try all over again. I just have to find a way to be able to pull myself out of the funk rather than relying on others to do it for me.

I have been consumed with desire to write, but I have been engulfed by my day job. There is so much that seems to be thrown my way that I can't keep up with the day to day aspects of life. My kitchen floor? Yes, it needs to be mopped! The bathroom? Didn't I just bribe my eight year with a five spot? I was hoping she didn't realize I hadn't paid her from my last weak attempt at delegating. The ideas in my head lately have been many. I think i am stressed. They come to me in the wee morning hours on the presipice of wake when all I want to do is keep dreaming. There have been characters that have popped up that I thought I would never think of again. Their faces have been burning in my brain. I need to let them. I need to give them a voice. I need to stop rambling. I need to stop working. I need to stop worrying that things will never be the same. I need to take control of my own life because no one is going to do it for me. I need to find what makes me happy. When was the last time I laughed? When was the last time I had fun just for the sake of it being what I wanted to do? When was the last time I had a day off? Oh yeah, Friday.... but I got the car fixed, the oil changed, the tires rotated, the car washed, a haircut (it had been 11 months), went grocery shopping, finished putting the finishing touches on halloween costumes, and picked my kids up from school on time. I think in all of this I have lost me. So, in celebration of me.... I am putting my book up for free on Amazon this Saturday. You will be able to download it without paying a penny! If you like it, tell a friend they should buy it and then I promise to spend that money doing something fun for me. So maybe I won't have to keep writing these posts that depress even me!

It has been awhile since I have blogged. It is not because I haven 't been busy.... I am happy with the results from You Want to Be being free for download. It had a significant number of downloads (yay!) I have been busy writing and just spending time with  my kids. Isn't that what summer vacation is all about? I will again have it for free download sometime this summer keep your eyes out for it.

On Monday, June 4 2012 you can get a free copy of You Want to Be Me for download on your kindle from Amazon.com. Check it out and leave me a comment or review. I would appreciate it. Just follow the link on the right by clicking the book cover. Nothing is better than free! I will do more promotions in the coming weeks if you miss this one.

You can download a free copy of You Want To Be Me for your Kindle on Monday. One day only, so make sure you remember the date! Leave me a review once you make your way there and have time to peruse it. It is new YA reading material.

I have the whole summer ahead of me and can I just say that I have never before been looking forward to the alone time that I plan on spending with writing. There is so many stories that I have started and just need to finish and format. It has been killing me! But, there is one thing standing in my way: Game of Thrones. I started watching the series last year and had to read the books. I am currently a quarter of the way through with book four. But these are so long and I find myself screaming, screw you George R.R. Martin for taking up so much of my life! In truth, I love them. Many people I know are watching the series and they talk aboutt what is currently happening and I have to just walk away because I want to share too many secrets when they say so and so needs to die or so and so will be king. Ugh the frustration! Then I think to myself, what a great author that has made me become so enthralled with such vivid descriptions and characters that I too want to kill them off? But, I can only aspire to be as successful as he has become. We are different are a different type of writer, Martin and myself, but the passion he has put into this work is invigorating. By the way I am not done with the books, but I love John Snow and the Imp.